Let me start by saying that I don’t mean that you shouldn’t ask for what you deserve - just that it shouldn’t be a negotiation per se. You should get your number… or walk away.
Let’s rewind for a sec…
WHY WOMEN, HISTORICALLY, DON’T NEGOTIATE
In a study for their book “Why Women Don’t Ask: “ Sara Laschever & Linda Babcock found that it’s not just institutional sexism and racism that keeps the salary gap rolling but the plain fact that women even attempt to negotiate in significantly smaller proportions than men - only 7% to men's 57%!!
Why is that? Well according to a study published by the American Psychological Association,
The gender differences in negotiation begin loooooong before the actual negotiations ever do and that it’s negotiating itself that may actually be the problem.
The study showed, overwhelmingly, that when managers (who were mostly male) were expected to “explain” raises they would award - they were prepared to give males raises 2.5X as large as raises for females of equal experience and skill level. Remember…. this is before the negotiations even have occurred.
Ok so the male managers aren’t predisposed to give us the money, so why don’t we just ask for it?
According to the New York Times, we women face a “unique” challenge when it comes to negotiating: we’re viewed as “unlikable” when we do.
Women have historically been socialized to avoid being seen as overly assertive, a trait that’s necessary for negotiating.
So here’s the kicker: “agreeable” women are just paid less, but when women trade their “likeability” for assertiveness, they can be viewed as “bitchy,” demanding and generally “unlikeable.” And who wants to work somewhere you’re viewed so negatively??
This Catch-22 means that while it’s difficult for us to be assertive, we have to be assertive in order to get what we deserve. So what now?
HOW WOMEN SHOULD “NEGOTIATE”
First off: OWN YOUR EXPERTISE. Yes. All caps yelling is taking place. Remember, you’re not asking for a favor, you’re asking to be paid for your expertise. Not for this one job, but all the years you’ve spent accumulating your knowledge.
Secondly: You need to have a number - and be ready to walk away. There is no negotiating that number. You need to be prepared for a conversation about this number.
You need to know both:
the compensation package better than you can actually rationalize and
the compensation package you’d be satisfied with/a bottom line that if it isn’t met you’re ready to walk away
And both of those need to fit within the industry/market standards of compensation - which you should know (because you researched the hell out if it). How to research? Ask your network, ask the internets, ask recruiters.
Third: The golden ticket? Having other options to leverage. Now, I’m not saying to get offers from elsewhere in the sole interest of ‘leverage’ - that’s a dick move and a waste of everyone’s time (and yet people do it all the time - don’t be one of those people. It’s bad karma)
But truthfully, the more options you have, the more wiggle room you’ve got to get what you want (and deserve). It’s basic supply vs demand.
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It happens: Sometimes you ask for what you want, the answer is “no” but now you’ve decided you don’t want to walk away. You WANT this gig. So, what now?
Do they not have the money to give? Ask for something else. Extra paid time off? Remote work days? Commuter cards? 401(k) matching? There are lots of other benefits you can ask for. Make sure they’re worth you asking for and that you actually want them (and that they’re not already offered as part of their given package).
Even if you counter with other benefits, you can always revisit your salary at a later time. A “no” now doesn’t mean forever.
If your number/package is rejected, it’s absolutely acceptable to ask something like: “I’m aware that others in the market at this level are earning a higher rate, what benchmarks could be set in place to get me to that number?”
Above all - stick to your number (or a combo of benefits that equals that number). It’s a non-negotiable because if your career (and therefore your life) isn’t honoring your worth… it’s time to walk away. It’s time to look elsewhere.
That’s what a non-negotiable is right? Something that if it isn’t being met - you walk away from the table. For every client I work with, knowing their number is one of the first exercises we tackle. It’s that important.
NOT READY TO NOT NEGOTIATE?
If the thought of owning your shit scares the shit out of you - start small.
Salad joint put the wrong dressing on your lunch order? Let them know. Your nail salon give you the wrong color? Again? Say something.
Start with stuff that has comically low possibilities of blowback.
If all else fails, do it for all the women out there who won’t or can’t.
Yours in get that bag goodness,
EBS
